I was recently at a party where something extraordinary happened, a true wine emergency.
Imagine the scene: sun shining, wine flowing, people mingling. In the middle of it all, the hosts graciously decide to open a giant bottle of wine that they recently won at an auction. And when I say giant bottle, I mean a double magnum, which holds four 750 ml bottles worth of wine.
This was the good stuff, too: Idle Hands, a syrah-based blend developed as a special project by two of Washington State’s finest winemakers, Mark McNeilly of Mark Ryan Vineyards and Trey Busch of Sleight of Hand Cellars.
So when the bottle was brought outside to be opened, everyone was excited. An anticipatory hush quieted the crowd as a fellow guest stepped up to the plate to open the bottle. But try as he might, the cork wasn’t going anywhere. 
Rabbit Fumbles as Cork Crumbles
My friend Julie, who has opened a bottle or two in her day, gave it a go. The cork didn’t budge for her either, although little bits of it started to crumble off. 
At this point we decided that we needed a new wine opener. Something with more grip, perhaps. The hostess offered up The Rabbit
, which works like magic on average-sized bottles. Alas, this bottle was too big.
Ever Wonder Why We Store Wine on its Side?
As you can imagine, our stress levels were climbing. We were thirsty and it was dawning on us that since the bottle had been stored standing up, the cork was dry. If you haven’t had the experience of trying to get a dry cork out of a bottle, trust me, it’s a bitch. And this wasn’t a cheapo bottle that we could just toss out, lesson learned. This was the equivalent of four bottles of the good stuff. It’s a wonder no one broke out in tears.
Luckily, my friends are the type of people who are prepared for any emergency. Doug offered to get his personal opener out of his car and try his hand at it. Slowly, the cork started to yield to his ministrations, but it also continued to crumble, bit by bit.
Disaster Averted, Mostly
The good news? Doug finally opened it. The bad news? Wine spurted out of the bottle as some of the crumbled bits of cork fell into the juice that remained. When the fireworks were over, we guests had a few wine-stained shirts and four bottles of crumbly wine. 
Not to worry! We knew how to deal with this. The host brought out a strainer and decanter.
Problem solved, right? Not quite. Some bits of the crumbly cork were small enough to get through the strainer.
What to do? The correct answer is to strain the wine through a cheesecloth. I’ll admit we didn’t know exactly what a cheesecloth is, but we did know we didn’t have one handy. So we went with the next best thing: paper towels. Sounds bizarre, but it actually worked. The paper towels didn’t break into the wine and they worked to strain out the crumbly cork.
Learning from our Wine Mistakes
By the time it was all over we felt like we had collectively slayed a dragon. Mingling hit a whole new level as the party vibe kicked up a notch and we could laugh in the face of our misadventure. And the wine? Worth every single minute of the stress. Delicious.
So what were the lessons of this wine emergency?
- If you want to ensure a memorable party where everyone really gets to know one another, create a problem that folks have to pitch in to solve, for example, a wine emergency or a small kitchen fire. I kid, but you get the idea.
- Consider switching to the Target brand paper towels. We were all blown away by how well they held up to the task.
- Most importantly, store your bottles on their sides. Even if they are double magnums, find a way to lay those bad boys down in order to keep moisture in the cork.
Cheers!